June 27

Good day from a very sunny White Rock township!

Many people have asked me how I am doing here with Sam. Well I am doing well, I think, considering what has happened in a very short period of time. The first 2 weeks were the most difficult times Ger and I had ever experienced. I was very apprehensive about caring for Sam, transporting him back and forth, and being on my own with him after Ger left. But with strength mercifully given by God, I transitioned fairly well with much help from both our families here and in P.G.

It has been overwhelming for Ger on the work and home front to manage all his responsibilities and my usual tasks as well. From our daily communication, and updates from friends,I know he is exhausted emotionally and physically. When he comes here it will be a priority to get him rested up and renewed. We both can sleep at night well, but its not for long. We are still waking up after 5 or 6 hours and that seems to be the time our minds race. In our thoughts we are trying to solve problems that our recent situation has created that stress us out but also realise at the same time that dwelling on our worries and anxieties are useless. I have appreciated several reminders from friends to stop those negative thoughts and tears and turn them in to prayer petitions instead. Sometimes its just so hard! My neck and back have been very sore. I guess the physical tension goes to the weakest place, which since my tobogganing accident last year, is my neck and back. My sister sent me to her masseuse last week and I found out how my body was really feeling. When Ger and I are together it should be easier for us both to get the physical exercise we are accustomed to.

I miss my girls terribly and I know they have also had to adjust to us being gone, mom not able to pick them up after school, nor being able to hang out with them, play in the back yard, host their friends, and be available to talk about their days, do errands, cooking, baking, cleaning, and shopping together. There is no doubt we have all felt disconnected from each other and our very different worlds in Vancouver and Prince George. We thought our lives were full and had little room for margin, before all this happened.

Sam continues to be stalwart. He rarely complains, and faces each invasive medical procedure with courage...it is truly amazing to see his strength. These past few weeks he has had a ravenous appetite and we were preparing, on average, nine meals throughout the day and night. He gained weight quickly, as one would expect, given the amount of food he consumed and his very limited activity level. (You would be shocked to know my food bill for the last 3 weeks!) The past week his appetite was decreasing slowly, but in the last 2 days it has spiraled down so very quickly. He has barely eaten half a meals worth of food throughout the entire day! The doctor warned me of this and said it would move from one extreme to another. He also said the liquid fat he stored up for the last few weeks now comes in handy. This new chemo leaves him feeling extremely sleepy. He has been sleeping and napping about 7 hours a day. What a complete turnaround from our previous week.

Yesterday, we picked up a special delivery care package at the hospital that Joanne Huisman brought Sam from Prince George. Again it was uplifting for Sam to receive treats on a day that was difficult. (I forced him to eat a little piece of toast and a fruit smoothie before we left, which all came out on our drive into town to go to the hospital. Needless to say I got a talking to about forcing him to eat when he doesn't feel like it!) One of the things in the care package was a special gift handmade with love and prayers by Mary Clarke. It was a beautiful "quilt made especially for you, brave Sam!" Psalm 113:3 is written on the back, 'From the Rising of the Sun to the going down of the same the Lord's name is to be Praised'. In the middle of this special square, Mary quilted a "Praising Mantis" insect which is again a tearful reminder that we are to face each day, each situation and circumstance, with prayer and praise. I woke up this morning and noticed that Sam was not in his bed. I found him curled up on the couch and snuggled up with his new blanky! Thank you Mary for the comfort, warmth and love that will surround and blanket Sam each day. Thanks again Joanne for bringing this down on the plane with you, for your families gifts, and your encouraging conversations with me.


We want to focus our thoughts on God and submit to his plans for Sam and our family in all of this, knowing he is carrying us through each moment of every day. We also choose to be thankful, remembering daily all that God has provided, and are awe struck when he surprises us with moments and situations that cannot be attributed to "coincidence." It seems like unexpected acts of kindness come our way every day. He delights us over and over with small and big things that constantly remind us that he loves us so specifically and intimately, as he does you!

Again I feel like I cannot adequately express our thankfulness and gratitude for everyone who has blessed us and everything that has been done to help us. Everyday Ger has a story of something he has experienced through our community in PG. Ger has not been an emotional guy up till now, but your kindnesses are just about putting him over the emotional, teary edge! I always tell him that it's okay to let your emotions out but he is surprised how much that takes out of you. Some of us gender specific people know all about that!

Well this is a little more in depth than I had anticipated sharing and now I struggle with to publish and bear all or not to publish. I want these thoughts for our own journal, memory keeping records, but I don't know...

Thanks Ger for sending up the kindergarten year end and graduation DVD. I watched it late last night and was so sorry to have not been there in person. The children did a great job, looked so beautiful and handsome and seemed to be enjoying all the festivities. Thanks to all who made that day so special. The gym looked fantastic...great job to all the parents who worked on it. What a wonderful celebration. I shed more tears on what was already a kind of melancholy day for me.
I think I will let Ger take over this blogging business when he gets here so he can update all the pictures I've taken and get all melodramatic when he has to write...its his turn! Sheesh, I'm out of here!