August 13 - Wednesday

Birthdays, Questions and Dirt Bikes

Sam had a treatment day today. He had his VAD accessed and then received 2 mg of Vincristine and the 3 leg shots of asparaginase. It wasn't a pleasant experience and I think the leg shots are his least favorite treatment days. The nurses were great though and we only had to stay from 9am until 2:30 because he didn't need a blood transfusion. He'll probably need one on Friday though because his platelets were really, really low. It took a while for his leg to stop bleeding because his platelet count is approaching the danger zone.

It was Monica's birthday today. She's the primary nurse for Dr. Bond and Sam's official oncology nurse. We bought her a frappacino and decorated it with happy faces and wished her a happy 25th birthday (she's probably a bit older than 25, but she liked the compliment). Then a bunch of nurses came by and got Sam to sing her happy birthday with everyone. It was very fun and Sam was in fine form with his story telling and smiles for the nurses.

We had a nice walk down tenth avenue today (Sam and I) if you can call him driving his scooter and me chasing him, walking. On the way back home he asked me some pretty deep questions that he's been thinking about for awhile. "Why does God allow kids like me to get cancer, dad?" "If he's in control of everything, then why didn't he keep cancer away from me?"

I don't have the answers to these questions. The trite answers about why bad things happen to good people just don't seem to satisfy the deepest longing inside us to answer these age old questions. Its a matter of trusting that we can know God differently, more intimately, when we trust him in the dark with things we don't understand completely.

Rom 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.(NIV)

We know this verse is true. We know that God is good. We know that he gives us each day to find ways to praise him. We know that his grace is sufficient for us. We know that his grace can be extended to others each day through the hands of his people (us) if we just open our hearts to seeing those around us who need his grace each day. These are the things we know, even if we don't know why healthy 11 year old boys get leukemia.

We walked in silence for awhile after we talked about all this stuff. Finally he said, "OK, but how am I going to find a way to get a dirt bike..." and we talked about dirt bikes for the rest of the walk. I didn't have the answer to that question either but it was a lot easier conversation...

Ger